PART ONE - PART TWO OF MY NAUGHTY FAIRIES IS FURTHER DOWN
Lir and Lug are skipping through the
eternal Amarillo Cherry Tree Forest. Pretty pink flowers floating to
the ground all around them. The heady scent amplified by the suns
rays beating down on the little fairies. Their pretty ethereal wings
contrast with the spiky dark black hair and the leather hot pants
which are shining just right in the light. The sparkly morning dew
mist is floating up from the forest floor as they prance through it.
'Oh Lir what a beautiful morning,' Lug spins and twirls his arms spread out. His wings flutter just a little bit in the breeze he creates.
'Eww Lug, remind me not to let you have beans for breakfast again.' Lir leaps elegantly between the trees. Flailing, spinning, twirling. Until he meets a log and comes a cropper landing awkwardly on the floor. There is a nasty crack, Lir is sitting on the ground. He reaches down to his waist and picks up a beautiful black and silver wand. The star is dangling at the end. Lir chews on his lip trying not to cry.
Lug places his hand on Lir's shoulder, 'Oh that is a blow – here let me fix it for you.' He pulls out his purple and gold wand and waves it in the direction of Lir's broken tip. 'Fixie-Fy.'
Lir looks up and he begins to jabber pointing his fixed wand nonsensically at a tree, 'Is that …'
Lug looks at the tree and cocks his head to one side, 'Hmm … how can you tell?'
'I seen that pert behind gyrate often enough on stage. Oh my goodness.' Lir fans himself with the wand and is stands on his head to get a better look at the bare behind attached to a gnomess on the poster. Her little silver sparkly low cut dress being blown up like the famous Gnomeroe shot. 'Hmm … makes me wish I was into gnomes. I just love Gnorah.'
'Someone clearly doesn't.' Lug points to the words at the top. Her tartish freakish head may forever shatter.
'We need to get back and tell Zeli and Mirka. This must be investigated, adult storyland should not be contaminated with this filth.' Lir says gesticulating with his wand and his hand on his hip.
'You have naked bums on your bedroom walls.' Lug says his eyebrows arched.
'Not that you idiot.' Lir points his wand angrily at Lug, 'Hatred my dear boy. Love in its various lusty shades is perfectly acceptable. Hatred is out. Remember what we were told when we were assigned here?'
Lug salutes, 'To always clean behind our ears and change our underwear everyday?'
Lir jerks his head and starts to walk away, 'No you numb butt, everything goes. We must do all we can to promote naughtiness but pure wickedness and hatred has no place in a land of sunshine.' He flutters his wings taking off over the top of the cherry trees. 'Look something is very wrong we have an almond tree amongst the cherry trees.'
A little out of breath from following him Lug asks, 'But what is wrong with that?'
Lir spits, 'That is pixie territory they care for the almond trees.'
They land near a hollow tree with yellow roses growing up it and a pretty lilac door with light blue door furniture. Inside is a room full of cushions and elegant cream drapes. Lir and Lug fling themselves down and wait for their brothers to make an appearance. 'Where do you think they are? Zeli and Mirka aren't usually awake before midday?' Lir asks looking round at the cushions like he expected one of his brothers to pop out.
Lug throws him an apple, 'Here have some breakfast, whilst we wait.' Lug takes a bite of his large red apple. 'Juicy. ' He says.
The door opens and in swagger two more fairies. The bigger of the two is wearing red leather hot pants and had his curly black hair tied in a ponytail. The smaller one is wearing the tightest pair of pink pants. His hair is a variety of spiked colours. He also had a massive wand tattoo on his chest with Perky written underneath.
Lir takes a bite of his apple, 'Where have you been?' His apple spits out everywhere.
'Lovely,' says Zeli the larger fairy, 'We were called out by Gnobit. There are pictures of him nailed up round all the trees in the forest. They all contain nasty threats about making him live up to his name.'
Lug crosses his legs and winces. 'Sounds a bit personal Zel. Who is doing it?'
Lir stands up, 'We saw a picture of Gnorah with a threat on it as well. This is awful. Storyland is being destroyed by this hatred.'
Mirka rolls his eyes, 'Honestly Lir no need for melodrama. We just need to find out who has been doing it …'
Zeli whips out his mobile phone and begins to dial a number … But who will he call and what can be done to save Gnobit from becoming the porn star without a bit.
'Oh Lir what a beautiful morning,' Lug spins and twirls his arms spread out. His wings flutter just a little bit in the breeze he creates.
'Eww Lug, remind me not to let you have beans for breakfast again.' Lir leaps elegantly between the trees. Flailing, spinning, twirling. Until he meets a log and comes a cropper landing awkwardly on the floor. There is a nasty crack, Lir is sitting on the ground. He reaches down to his waist and picks up a beautiful black and silver wand. The star is dangling at the end. Lir chews on his lip trying not to cry.
Lug places his hand on Lir's shoulder, 'Oh that is a blow – here let me fix it for you.' He pulls out his purple and gold wand and waves it in the direction of Lir's broken tip. 'Fixie-Fy.'
Lir looks up and he begins to jabber pointing his fixed wand nonsensically at a tree, 'Is that …'
Lug looks at the tree and cocks his head to one side, 'Hmm … how can you tell?'
'I seen that pert behind gyrate often enough on stage. Oh my goodness.' Lir fans himself with the wand and is stands on his head to get a better look at the bare behind attached to a gnomess on the poster. Her little silver sparkly low cut dress being blown up like the famous Gnomeroe shot. 'Hmm … makes me wish I was into gnomes. I just love Gnorah.'
'Someone clearly doesn't.' Lug points to the words at the top. Her tartish freakish head may forever shatter.
'We need to get back and tell Zeli and Mirka. This must be investigated, adult storyland should not be contaminated with this filth.' Lir says gesticulating with his wand and his hand on his hip.
'You have naked bums on your bedroom walls.' Lug says his eyebrows arched.
'Not that you idiot.' Lir points his wand angrily at Lug, 'Hatred my dear boy. Love in its various lusty shades is perfectly acceptable. Hatred is out. Remember what we were told when we were assigned here?'
Lug salutes, 'To always clean behind our ears and change our underwear everyday?'
Lir jerks his head and starts to walk away, 'No you numb butt, everything goes. We must do all we can to promote naughtiness but pure wickedness and hatred has no place in a land of sunshine.' He flutters his wings taking off over the top of the cherry trees. 'Look something is very wrong we have an almond tree amongst the cherry trees.'
A little out of breath from following him Lug asks, 'But what is wrong with that?'
Lir spits, 'That is pixie territory they care for the almond trees.'
They land near a hollow tree with yellow roses growing up it and a pretty lilac door with light blue door furniture. Inside is a room full of cushions and elegant cream drapes. Lir and Lug fling themselves down and wait for their brothers to make an appearance. 'Where do you think they are? Zeli and Mirka aren't usually awake before midday?' Lir asks looking round at the cushions like he expected one of his brothers to pop out.
Lug throws him an apple, 'Here have some breakfast, whilst we wait.' Lug takes a bite of his large red apple. 'Juicy. ' He says.
The door opens and in swagger two more fairies. The bigger of the two is wearing red leather hot pants and had his curly black hair tied in a ponytail. The smaller one is wearing the tightest pair of pink pants. His hair is a variety of spiked colours. He also had a massive wand tattoo on his chest with Perky written underneath.
Lir takes a bite of his apple, 'Where have you been?' His apple spits out everywhere.
'Lovely,' says Zeli the larger fairy, 'We were called out by Gnobit. There are pictures of him nailed up round all the trees in the forest. They all contain nasty threats about making him live up to his name.'
Lug crosses his legs and winces. 'Sounds a bit personal Zel. Who is doing it?'
Lir stands up, 'We saw a picture of Gnorah with a threat on it as well. This is awful. Storyland is being destroyed by this hatred.'
Mirka rolls his eyes, 'Honestly Lir no need for melodrama. We just need to find out who has been doing it …'
Zeli whips out his mobile phone and begins to dial a number … But who will he call and what can be done to save Gnobit from becoming the porn star without a bit.
PART 2: MY BOY LOLLIPOP
Gnobit is arranged on the brightly coloured cushions in the fairies house in the hollow of the tree. His shirt unbuttoned revealing his perfectly plucked and oiled chest. Lir is taking advantage of his distress and is sitting with his arm round the handsome devil. Lir says, 'There, there, We can make this all better.' He pats his leg near the top. Gnobit moves a little further away.
Lug hands him a scented pink handkerchief from the back pocket of his shiny leather hotpants. He tucks his wings away by pushing his beautiful pecs out, 'Here Gnobit. Have you any idea who wants to rob you of your gnome hood?'
'No idea who. I am a kind. but not so little gnome. Everyone loves my films. My darling Gnellie the guitar playing gal loves me deeply.' Tears start spurting out of his eyes soaking everything around him including Lir. 'I can't lose it. Gnomeochs are so last season, I'll never work in Pornwood again.' He is on his knees grabbing Lug, 'Oh Oh please. Why does someone want to hurt me?'
Lug hands him a scented pink handkerchief from the back pocket of his shiny leather hotpants. He tucks his wings away by pushing his beautiful pecs out, 'Here Gnobit. Have you any idea who wants to rob you of your gnome hood?'
'No idea who. I am a kind. but not so little gnome. Everyone loves my films. My darling Gnellie the guitar playing gal loves me deeply.' Tears start spurting out of his eyes soaking everything around him including Lir. 'I can't lose it. Gnomeochs are so last season, I'll never work in Pornwood again.' He is on his knees grabbing Lug, 'Oh Oh please. Why does someone want to hurt me?'
Zeli comes out dressed in a frilly French maids uniforms. Lug glares at him, 'Now is not the time for your games.' Lug tosses his head, 'Can't you see that Gnobit is highly distressed.' He pats Gnobit's head, and allows his hands to travel down Gnobit's back.
'I am going undercover.' Zeli gives an exaggerated wink and lets his wings flutter suggestively. 'Gnellie was advertising for a maid. She wants help lining her very large drawers. I figured as the only fairy with a maid outfit I was the one for the job.'
'But … But why my Gnellie?' Gnobit's bottom lip sticks out, 'She would never hurt moi.' Lug kisses his cheek. Gnobit stands up and backs away.
Mirka comes out and flings himself on the cushions, 'Don't be ridiculous. Whole of the Eternal Amarillo Cherry Tree Forest knows about your fling with pert bottomed Gnorah.'
Gnobit stands up all sign of tears gone. He wipes using the sleeve of his shirt, 'How dare you that is a filthy lie perpetrated by your disgusting newspaper.' He walks towards Mirka, ''This is all your fault.'
Zeli smacks his bottom with his feather duster, 'Anger is not allowed in here. I am doing dangerous work undercover with your Gnellie. Behave in our home.' He whacks him again.
'Pull the other one and be honest Gnobit. I never publish anything without concrete evidence. I have it back at my office.' Mirka takes a cherry from the bowl next to him. 'Would you like me to be totally gratuitous and post the pictures?' He pops the destoned cherry in his mouth, 'I've never seen such an inventive use of an over sized but dubious shaped lollipop before. Did it not get stuck?' He takes his glasses off and wipes them
'I am going undercover.' Zeli gives an exaggerated wink and lets his wings flutter suggestively. 'Gnellie was advertising for a maid. She wants help lining her very large drawers. I figured as the only fairy with a maid outfit I was the one for the job.'
'But … But why my Gnellie?' Gnobit's bottom lip sticks out, 'She would never hurt moi.' Lug kisses his cheek. Gnobit stands up and backs away.
Mirka comes out and flings himself on the cushions, 'Don't be ridiculous. Whole of the Eternal Amarillo Cherry Tree Forest knows about your fling with pert bottomed Gnorah.'
Gnobit stands up all sign of tears gone. He wipes using the sleeve of his shirt, 'How dare you that is a filthy lie perpetrated by your disgusting newspaper.' He walks towards Mirka, ''This is all your fault.'
Zeli smacks his bottom with his feather duster, 'Anger is not allowed in here. I am doing dangerous work undercover with your Gnellie. Behave in our home.' He whacks him again.
'Pull the other one and be honest Gnobit. I never publish anything without concrete evidence. I have it back at my office.' Mirka takes a cherry from the bowl next to him. 'Would you like me to be totally gratuitous and post the pictures?' He pops the destoned cherry in his mouth, 'I've never seen such an inventive use of an over sized but dubious shaped lollipop before. Did it not get stuck?' He takes his glasses off and wipes them
Zeli thwacks Mirka with his feather duster, 'Oh Hon you are just so intelligent.' He turns, 'Anyway I had better be moving. Gnellie has been known to be a strict boss.' He skips, 'Maybe a little late would be fun.' He opens the door letting in the divine smell of the cherry tree blossoms. It fills the house in the hollow of the tree.
Mirka stands up, 'Right time to go and speak to Gnorah, make sure her porcelain complexion hasn't been destroyed.' He rubs his hands, 'Maybe I can talk her into that little silver dress.'
Gnobit spits in anger, 'How dare you.'
Mirka winks, 'Well according to you there is nothing between you,' He snorts, 'Not even a lollipop.' He turns to the others, 'You had better keep him under guard.'
'Aye Aye Cap'n.' The other two smirk and pat the cushions next to them, 'Gnobit let's play. I am sure we can kiss you all better.'
Mirka stands up, 'Right time to go and speak to Gnorah, make sure her porcelain complexion hasn't been destroyed.' He rubs his hands, 'Maybe I can talk her into that little silver dress.'
Gnobit spits in anger, 'How dare you.'
Mirka winks, 'Well according to you there is nothing between you,' He snorts, 'Not even a lollipop.' He turns to the others, 'You had better keep him under guard.'
'Aye Aye Cap'n.' The other two smirk and pat the cushions next to them, 'Gnobit let's play. I am sure we can kiss you all better.'
Part 3: Zeli in trouble,
Zeli is skipping through the Eternal Amarillo Cherry Tree Forest his hot leather pants peeking out the bottom of his french maid uniform. He comes to a house in a bush, with the luxury of it's own pond at the back. A real luxury for a gnome. Zeli takes a deep breath and knocks on the polished oak door. The door flings open and the pretty little gnome looks him up and down, 'You're late.' She snaps, 'Do it again and there will be consequences.'
'Promises, Promises.' Zeli waves his feather duster and sashays past her, 'Where do you want me to start?'
'Your manners leave something to be desired.' She glares at him.
'Oh darling I am here, dressed as you required and I am ready and willing to furnish you every desire.' He cocks his head to the side admiring her cute little gnome backside that is peeping out the bottom of her very short silver dress. 'Now instruct me, I do like a woman that can order me around.' His feather duster quivers with excitement and he tries to contain his desire to skip.
'Start with the kitchen.' She nods towards the kitchen, 'And I don't want you to be using any of your crappy fairy magic in my home.'
Zeli bristles at her nasty racist comment but sashays over to the kitchen his excitement gone. He opens the door to a large kitchen covered in smashed plates and food everywhere. He opens his mouth no way is he doing this without fairy magic. He smiles at his feather duster which is hiding his special bells and whistles pink wand. He waves his wand and whispers Cleanie-fy. With the kitchen spotless he begins to look around. What can he do, he sneaks into the room and the back a small study. He starts to look around and finds some of the pictures he looks surprised what can they be doing here. He hears a shout, 'Where the hell are you, you weren't given permission to wander.'
Zeli exits the kitchen and ducks as a plates comes flying towards him. With his skit hitched he takes to his heels, dashed through the entrance hall, out the door and back through the forest with a screaming Gnorah behind him.
Mirka next week.
'Promises, Promises.' Zeli waves his feather duster and sashays past her, 'Where do you want me to start?'
'Your manners leave something to be desired.' She glares at him.
'Oh darling I am here, dressed as you required and I am ready and willing to furnish you every desire.' He cocks his head to the side admiring her cute little gnome backside that is peeping out the bottom of her very short silver dress. 'Now instruct me, I do like a woman that can order me around.' His feather duster quivers with excitement and he tries to contain his desire to skip.
'Start with the kitchen.' She nods towards the kitchen, 'And I don't want you to be using any of your crappy fairy magic in my home.'
Zeli bristles at her nasty racist comment but sashays over to the kitchen his excitement gone. He opens the door to a large kitchen covered in smashed plates and food everywhere. He opens his mouth no way is he doing this without fairy magic. He smiles at his feather duster which is hiding his special bells and whistles pink wand. He waves his wand and whispers Cleanie-fy. With the kitchen spotless he begins to look around. What can he do, he sneaks into the room and the back a small study. He starts to look around and finds some of the pictures he looks surprised what can they be doing here. He hears a shout, 'Where the hell are you, you weren't given permission to wander.'
Zeli exits the kitchen and ducks as a plates comes flying towards him. With his skit hitched he takes to his heels, dashed through the entrance hall, out the door and back through the forest with a screaming Gnorah behind him.
Mirka next week.